Moving Today

I'm moving today and therefore have little time to internet, or little access to internet.

Sorry.

To make up for it I've included a photo of a raccoon riding a wild boar.



If I had a quarter for every time I saw that, I'd probably look at that photo numerous times over.
Because I don't expect to see it happen any time soon.

Let me know if you have any refrigerator moving tips.

HANDS and the great unknown.

So I went to Trader Joe's for the first time today.

Right now you're probably amazed that I got this far in life without trading at Joe's, or you're asking what the heck a Trader Joe's is and where you can get one.
Well, my friend, Trader Joe's is an establishment where you exchange money for goods and services, mainly in this case, groceries.
What I'm trying to say here is that it's a grocery store. And I went there to get groceries.

When I say groceries I mean numerous bags of Edamame. So many bags in fact that my love for Edamame appeared to rival that of Mel Gibson's love for paperback copies of Catcher In the Rye.

After questioning my obscure reference to the 1997 film Conspiracy Theory, I made my way to the checkout counter, but on the way I wanted to exchange the gallon of milk I picked up for a fresher carton.

You see, I grab the milk first because I usually forget it. The problem is that by the time I find everything else, the milk is already warm and I prefer to bring home the coldest milk possible. Yes, even if it does heat up in the car.
So I returned to the dairy section.

The problem was, the milk had suddenly been restocked and perfectly positioned back into place. My arms were full of Edamame, so my milk replacement was poorly executed and awkwardly placed.

Suddenly, from the other side of the wall, a strangers hand reached out and repositioned the milk into a proper position. Then, just as mysteriously, the hand retracted and disappeared into the unknown.
Surprised and slightly confused, I quickly stepped back and tried to mentally proccess what just happened.

The shelves were small and tightly packed. I had simply assumed that there was a solid wall behind them.
So the sight of an arm reaching out towards me from a mysterious portal momentarily changed my perceptions about the structure of our universe. In fact, at that very moment, Narnia, Hogwarts, and the entire Tolkien universe became suddenly and magnificently real. They actually existed. And they existed just beyond the 2% Milk section.

For that moment I could reach past the skim milk and cottage cheeze and find myself outside of the Matrix.
But realizing I wasn't dressed to wake up in a mechanical pod filled with jelly and tubing, I instead decided to check out.

Maybe after some edamame I'll feel different.

Mawwwwww, that's cute

I ruined a lot of good mice trying this on my own.

Good News Everyone

Japan is hard at work on a space beer.



That's not just a picture of barley. That's a picture of SPACE barley, which is just like regular barley, except it's meant for space. Apparently Japanese brewery Sapporo Holdings is working to gather enough "space grain" to make a hundred bottles of the stuff.

Yes, the hope is that someday "space agriculture" will be advanced enough that astronauts will be capable of making beer in their very own "space bathtubs." Given that it appears that the only required process to make something ready for space is to just place the word "space" in front of it, I think the goal has nearly been realized.

What exactly does this mean?
I honestly have no idea.

But if we have drunk drivers here on earth, why not on the final frontier? I like the idea of looking up at the stars at night and saying, "I bet there's someone up there so totally wasted they can't even stand straight." And considering that these drunks will be in a zero gravity environment, that doesn't even matter.

Who knows, maybe someday drunken space voyagers will stumble out of their spaceships and hit on a race of Alien lifeforms, entertaining them with space-lampshades over their heads while they dance on a space coffee table. Sure, it'll all be fun and games until they break a space vase and doom the human race to complete annihilation. But up to that point, man, what a party it's going to be.

Space party, that is.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080527/sc_afp/japanrussiaspacebiologyoffbeatdrinksapporo

Creepy Crawlies

Things I thought were bugs, but weren't upon closer inspection.

A feather sticking out of my pillow.
A speck of dust that floated in front of my monitor.
A strand of hair that just barely wavered on my peripheral vision.
A flower stem that creeped up my windshield.
A walnut on the sidewalk that I thought was a cockroach at night.
A loose thread on my pajama bottom that stuck to my foot.

And that's mostly just today.

DRAGON WARS - THEE Movie review

View Trailer
Dragon Wars
*************

Listen. Today we're going to talk about the best movie ever made. No, I'm not talking about your Citizen Krap, I'm talking about Dragon Wars, the greatest epic since Dead or Alive. Now, I don't really remember when Dragon Wars was released, but last night when my roommate drunkenly requested we rent either My Super Ex-Girlfriend or Norbit, I had no expectations about viewing a masterpiece.

Luckily, beforehand I had prepared a pound of pre-shelled Edamame for my roommate Norm and I to share. Shortly afterwards Norm and I realized exactly how much a pound of beans actually is, and ended up slightly nauseous and confused. This, combined with a tad bit of alcohol, essentially resulted in a viewing experience so good I can't even remember it.

I'm not going to lie to you. I didn't actually watch Dragon Wars. I was there for the beginning, definitely there for the end, took a shower somewhere near the middle, and also checked my facebook shortly after the shower. The parts I did watch were pretty solid though.
I mean, I was falling asleep, but I imagine they were great.

The story I could put together was that a young journalist was assigned a story relating to a natural disaster, which could only be explained by a giant Dragon War. Luckily, the journalist remembered that as a young child a middle-aged man, which he refers to as the "old man," confronted him in a store and explained how he must overcome the Dragon War by finding the ancestor of the Dragon War princess. Or something. There are lots of Dragons, this is, after all, a Dragon War.

The film throws a great surprise into the mix by betraying my expectations and instead of chronicling a war between good and bad Dragons, instead opts to chronicle the human war against the Dragons. So although this War does involve Dragons, it's not so much a Dragon War as it is a War against Dragons, a War against the Dragon War even. Where the crap am I?

After our protagonist finds Sarah, the Dragon War Dragon Princess human, things really start to kick up a notch I think. She does, after all, have the Dragon War Dragon Princess tattoo on her shoulder, which demonstrates how she is indeed the chosen one to end the Dragon War. Dragon War.

Somehow, after the climatic battle on top of a skyscraper in LA, the Dragons take our Dragon WARriors to a castle somewhere, and then have a SECOND climatic battle between two dragons. "FINALLY!," we each exclaimed in our confused stupor, "We have a DRAGON WAR on our hands!"

So, yes, the only thing more confusing than watching Dragon Wars is how you end up watching Dragon Wars. And the only thing more confusing than that is trying to figure out what the heck happened during the Dragon War itself.
The result? Easily the best dollar rental my roommate ever got. Ever. And that includes the time he came home with The Hot Chick, starring Rob Schneider.

Dragon Wars.

Everything Will Be Ok, (and beautiful)

This is the most engaging and beautiful animation I've seen in a while.

Everything Will Be OK - Don Hertzfeldt

Unfortunately I don't know how to embed it, so you'll have to click the link.