Redline - "Movie" Review

Redline
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I could ask you to watch a clip of one of the many, many, terrible scenes of Redline.



But frankly, it's just too painful. Here's what I imagine the shooting script for the above scene to be like.

EXT. RACE TRACK - DAY

The race track is hot and the ladies are even hotter. We establish this by having women in tight shorts jump up and down. No nudity though, let's keep this classy.

In one car we have an anonymous pretty boy who can't act, and in the other we have the only woman on earth who could pass for the best race car driver in existence, and also can't act. Obviously this has to be that chick from Days of Our Lives, Nadia Bjorlin.

The anonymous pretty boy looks over towards Nadia Bjorlin and smiles. Nadia Bjorlin responds with a disturbingly slow wink, clearly establishing that she suffers from down-syndrome.

A woman in very tight checkerboard shorts waves a flag, signifying that the race has started.

DIRECTOR'S NOTE: Once the race starts, insert the rejected footage from any Fast and the Furious Movie.

The race is EXTREME.

INT. ROOM FILLED WITH SCANTILY CLAD WOMEN AND EDDIE GRIFFIN

EDDIE GRIFFIN is black.

EDDIE GRIFFIN
DAMN! This race is EXTREME!

ANGUS MACFAYDEN
You're driver is hot and clearly
the best on Earth, I must have her.

EDDIE GRIFFIN
DAMN!

EXT. RACE TRACK - DAY

The race get's TOO EXTREME.

Pretty Boy goes so fast his car litterally flies across the finish line, flips upside down and crashes in a heap.

Nadia Bjorlin's car spins out of control too, for some reason. I don't know.

Pretty Boy's brother runs towards the car.

PRETTY BOY
I won the race... brother.

The car EXPLODES. The brother falls on his knees.

BROTHER
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! WHY?!?!?!

Sadness.

EDDIE GRIFFIN
DAMN!

END.


I'm not going to lie to you. Redline could possibly be one of the worst movies I have ever seen. There is absolutely no reason for anyone to even possibly consider watching it if you're viewing it alone. It's too easy to make fun of, too shallow to feel good about, and it's so expensive considering that all the cars featured in the film are owned by the same millionaire, that you'll feel emotionally sick to your stomach.

But I must say, the acting and poor excuse for a "script" is so absurdly rediculous that it just might be worth looking at while with a group of friends.
Even more so, later, when you all look at eachother and say, "Wow. Redline truely was magnificently terrible in nearly every way."