Predators - Movie Review

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Predators
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It's my general opinion that an action film doesn't really need to rely on character development as much as a strong character establishment. The original Predator film began with a clever segment in which Arnold Schwarzenegger created a McGuyver-esque trap to exterminate as many guerrilla soldiers as possible. It worked because the film was about two soldiers trying to out-trap the other. The big surprise was that one of the soldiers was an alien. Now we have Predators, a film that is neither a sequel to the original nor a part of the Alien VS Predator series, and a film that interestingly decides to literally drop its characters into the lap of the audience and let them flutter their broken wings. No surprise here.

The bright side is that we have Adrien Brody falling out of the sky and that he meets Topher Grace down below. These are two very talented actors who I assume chose to star in Predators simply because it has the iconic monster known as Predator in it and, heck, what other reason do you need? Even I would say yes. On the ground they meet up with a number of other fallen allies and together they wonder why they have arrived.

The answer, my friend, is Predators.

The audience is informed by Adrien Brody that the rest of the characters are comprised of a convict, a drug cartel enforcer, a Russian soldier, a sniper, a Yakuza enforcer, a revolutionary officer, and a doctor. They are Predators. Adrien Brody also informs us by looking at the numerous massive moons orbiting the sky that they have all been abducted by an alien race that is hunting them. Also Predators.

It's rare to see a movie so completely inept at exposition that all information presented is divulged in a way that is both uninteresting and illogical. There is a reason why the show LOST worked, and it's because we saw where the characters came from rather than had Adrien Brody tell us. There's a reason why the original Predator didn't tell us what the Predator monster was or where it came from. It's because we didn't need to know. Any viewer preparing themselves for this film should come expecting several long scenes of exposition in which we are told all about Predators, the Predator world, and how much it sucks to be hunted by the Predator. And all this information will only amount to one of the characters responding with "Well, F*&K YOU."

When all is said and done, Predators will give you everything except what you came to see: Actual Predators. Apart from a final battle, which is mostly identical to the original Predator (weren't they supposed to adapt in some way?), the movie will keep the Predators far enough away so that they can finally make use of their CGI horndogs and use semi-useless thermal imaging.

This movie is boring and very well could have ended with everyone dying. In fact, that probably would have been preferable over the ending that left the characters musing "Great, now let's do what we were supposed to be doing this entire time." It feels as though nothing was accomplished except for exposition, and I don't expect much more to come.