Well. My Mind Has Been Blown.

If I was asked who would be the best person in the world to perform a highly choreographed slow-motion dance routine, I would first ask "why?" and then say "probably someone in Japan." Well, it's happened. And it's awesome.

Well played Japan. Well played.


Miniature Tigers - Bullfighter Jacket

After seeing Miniature Tigers perform live in LA, I kind of overdosed on their goodness. It probably had something to do with the fact that I ended up listening to their EP album on every single car ride. Ever since, I've been waiting to hear what they would come up with next. Their latest music video combines two things that I love, catchy tunes and Where's Waldo. And I like it.

"Bullfighter Jacket" by Miniature Tigers

Miniature Tigers | MySpace Music Videos


Five Years

Well, it finally happened. I got invited to my five year high school reunion. Am I going to go? I'm just not sure. I think it really depends on what kind of semi-useless invention I can find to claim as my own idea and somewhat impress that no good principal of mine. Even though I don't remember his name and never actually talked to him, I bet he's a real stuck up jerk who would've hated it if I had covered the school statue of Walt Whitman with women's panties. I mean, if our school had a statue, if I knew who Walt Whitman was, or if I even knew how to obtain a massive collection of panties. They seem expensive.

So far I've narrowed it down to a few options:

1. Those little plastic things on the end of shoelaces.
2. The lids of Asprin bottles that you have to push down before opening.
3. That button thing on batteries that you press your thumb against to see if it has any life left.
4. Dinosaurs.

I can't really make up my mind. In any case, I might just fall back to my plan of hiring a shirtless Abercrombie male model to go in my place and say I worked out a lot in college.

"Hey I'm definitely Zack Newcoat or whatever. Yeah, as you can see, I play soccer now. Uh... Yeah. I mean, that's what we call football in England, where I live now. Everything there is backwards and it's awesome. Now let's party. Newcoat style."

To be honest, I'm not really sure if it would work. Especially since I have no means of hiring my first choice Josh Groban as my stand-in.

But all in all, I never really needed to. I'm happy where I am in my life. I'm married to a wonderful girl, living in New York, and patiently awaiting to be reunited with my cat Georgie Fruit. The fact is, I have it really good, even if I never did manage to invent dinosaurs or those cinnamon scented pinecones that turn up around Christmas time. Even if I never do (although I assume there are still so many things that I could make cinnamon scented) I'll still be happy. Maybe it's just me, but I'm really looking forward to what the next five years will bring too.


The House of the Devil - Movie Review

The House of the Devil
view trailer

It's a real shame there aren't more horror movies like The House of the Devil, although, if you were to find some, I suppose you would find them hiding in the 80's. It seems only right that this particular film is executed in that style. You won't find anything in the way of special effects apart from the occasional surprise in the way of exploding makeup, and when that makeup turns up the story jumps to a whole new level. What we have here is a film that really requires very little in the way of a budget. What we're most afraid of it what's left hidden behind closed doors, and this isn't the kind of instance in which one would want to be barging in to find out what's lurking in the darkness. This is a film about a reasonable college student who knows better than to disturb the person they are hired to cared for, for better or for worse. In this case, much worse.

Samantha is desperate to make the measly deposit on her first apartment, and so she replies on a whim to the first baby sitting position she notices. Luckily for her, Samantha's best friend has already taken the liberty of taking down the rest of the flyers hanging around campus to dissuade any other potential rivals, but there's a distinct feeling that it wouldn't make much of a difference anyway. Something about the whole proposition is simply off kilter. Maybe it's the fact that she isn't watching over a baby at all, but over an elderly woman who seems locked away in her own room on the second floor of a creepy mansion, on the night of a lunar eclipse no less. Granted, I would take four hundred bucks for the job, wouldn't you?

It's easy to make a horror film with dumb characters, but what's hard (and far more terrifying) is making a horror film with characters who seem perfectly reasonable. Would I do anything different in Samantha's position? I'm really not sure. Free pizza sounds pretty good to me, even if the old man hiring me for the job mentions it one too many times. Only once, I think, is the viewer granted a glance at what lurks behind the walls of this haunted mansion, but even then it's too far to turn back. The film keeps a slow but steady pace up until it's final conclusion, but people are cautious, and usually for good reasons. I might say that the beginning feels a bit sluggish, but having seen so many other 80's horror films, it actually is pretty spot on. Is that a good thing? Have horror films of today been benefitted by a shorter attention span? Maybe, but a sense of tension can never find a suitable replacement. Just wait a while until the film takes a short detour for a quick cigarette break in a cemetery. This is a horror film that wants to acquaint you to a normal world in which terrible things can happen. And it works.

Spoilers might follow, but I have to say the ending left me feeling a bit cheated inside. Maybe I found myself connecting to Samantha. Or maybe I've seen scary movies like Rosemary's Baby one too many times (and I've only seen it twice). Then again, I suppose that's just how it is with classic scary movies. Jason escapes, Jaws has babies, Alien has other Aliens, all in all the horror continues to see another sequel. This one probably won't get one, but it doesn't need to. I don't want it to. I'm scared enough as it is.
See it.



As is the way with most of the evenings that I have left work, I had already determined in my mind that I wouldn't be roped into another "Fashion Night" of any sort. Not again. Little did I realize that one such Fashion Night was already taking place just outside of the building I work at, the one and only Rockefeller Center.

Yes, I might have initially been enticed by the opportunity to see the editor of Vogue across the street, but as I was later wandering the halls of the nearby Lego store I discovered the prospect of free champagne being handed out at the nearby Banana Republic. By the time I picked up a free handbag filled with a variety of Aveeno lotions, I knew it was too late. Fashion Night had consumed me with a passion for free goodies, and I would not be satisfied until I was filled to the brim with the sweet taste of free champagne.

It was just like Halloween, except for adults who had lots of money to spend on clothing, or no money and wanted to pretend they were interested in buying a really expensive pair of shoes until someone came up to them with a tray filled with cupcakes or several champagne flutes.

Alas, the night led to myself posing drunkenly on the abandoned platform of a model along the red carpet.

While the sounds of laughing Japanese tourists made me feel right in my element, it was up to a local 30 Rock security guard to bring me back down to earth.

Do I have any regrets?

Perhaps this photo taken only moments afterward with a group of models can answer your question.

No. No I do not.


Corgi On Wheels

Of all the things I have seen in New York, I think it might be impossible to beat the sight of a corgi on wheels.

Adorable AND efficient. Frankly, I think all animals should adopt this method of transportation. I know I would.
I mean, if I were an animal.
Otherwise it would just be ridiculous.

I would have to run on my hands...


Jesus Jello

Some might say it's a waste of time and refrigerator space, but I say there's always room for Jello Jesus.

It was made out of a discarded plastic wrapper from a Jesus shaped nightlight that Beth and I bought at a dollar store a few days ago. Yes, I suppose it does ask some very interesting questions. Such as, is it wrong on some level to eat something shaped liked Jesus? Maybe to probably. But is it not just as wrong to eat jello in any other shape?

...I'll let you marinate on that one for a little while.

Yes, it did immediately turn back into some kind of formless blob immediately after I took it out of the plastic. But really, I think it's the thought that counts.