Buy my new berk!

If you haven't noticed, this Awkward Unicorn has been grazing about in other pastures as of late, which is to say I've been pretty busy watching Netflix, not mowing the backyard, and attempting to keep the rear plush of my corgi well groomed (he hates brushing). On the positive side it's given me the chance to finish and self-publish my novel: Haven. It's a sci-fi fantasy book for young adults that involves lots of time travel, space travel, regular travel, and staying put travel. It's a real wham-dingus of a journey through time and space and the most rockin good time you'll have this side of the mississippi. Seriously though, I think it's pretty cool. Be sure to buy a copy of it through paypal so I don't have to give Amazon any of my hard-earned monies (and so I can sign it too!).

Thanks to everyone for your support! Best, Zack (The Awkward Unicorn)

Alright Boys, Let's Roll

Lately I've been trying to reach my full potential, so I made a gif this week.

Check out the t-shirt too on Threadless

25 Years of Movie Magic

It's been quite a journey, but as of June 30th I've arrived to see the 25th year of my life. As my birthday gift to the world I've unearthed these gems that Nick and I made back in our golden days of living in DC. I considered posting Nick's nature documentary "Call of the Wild," a five second epic chronicling our cats behavior in the litter box, but the world might have to wait. In the meantime let's enjoy these glimpses into the past.

Back On The Stand Up Scene

Wow. I just realized I really failed to deliver on my resolution to post more on this site. If it helps though I decided to get back into stand up after a very long hiatus, so you might be able to at least catch me on stage.

Last night I performed at All Pro Pizza, a little pizza joint here in Visalia California. Check out my short set below:



I'm still working out the rust that's built up over time and have some kinks to get through, but I'm glad for the experience and am excited to dive right into it. Look close and you might notice that at some point in the video above I reached into my pocket for my little paper with notes and realized it was gone. Kind of threw me for a loop, but having it was more of a comfort thing than something I really wanted to read off of. Thanks for the support and stay tuned for more!

New Years Resolution

I decided my resolution this year is to actually write on this blog more. Seeing that it's already January 6th, it's about time I finally made due.

Last night Beth was trying to figure out how to have her hair cut, and being as technically savvy as she is, she found a "virtual makeover" program on Elle Magazine's Website. Considering that my other resolution is to be more active with my wife's interests I decided to support her in doing it myself.

Hence this little doozy featuring myself with Sarah Jessica Parker's hair:

Not unlike Fabio actually. Except with less eye-liner.

Shortly after showing this to Beth she was kind enough to inform me that I take enough of an interest as it is, probably too much of an interest, and she recommended I delete any evidence of this lest it would appear on the internet, specifically this blog where I'm posting it now. Happy New Year Everybody.

Felicity and Time Travel

Well, it finally happened. Beth and I finished watching the entire series of Felicity. Now before you silently judge us, in Beth's defense and my shameful, shameful, guilt, it was actually my second time through. What can I say? I was a freshman in college and had a lot of things to figure out, and I also liked to have a reason to skip class. Any reason.

"It's lunchtime and Yo Momma's on again? ...Who needs Theology anyways."

If you don't know what Felicity is about, it's basically a girl who goes to college for four years, works at Dean and Deluca, and repeatedly breaks up and gets back together with the same two people over and over again. If you're wondering how a group of guys I knew in college were watching this show, one possible reason is that I knew a lot of closeted gay people back then, the other reason is that J.J. Abrams helped create it. That's not to say the show is filled with smoke monsters and polar bears, but there is a lot of drama and at some point somebody gets hit by a bus.

I should also mention that Matt Reeves, the maker of one of the best movies ever made, also worked on the show.

The problem with Felicity, I realized, is that the show apparently kept going way longer than I actually thought it did. Whereas whatever I watched took up about two weeks of classes, Felicity on Netflix can take up to a month. Each episode is an hour long, with twenty four episodes to each season, and each season spanning a year in Felicity's life. Essentially, I felt like I was at college all over again, and it was still a long, excruciatingly dramatic experience, with a few exciting moments thrown in where somebody gets hit by a bus.

I was surprised to discover that at some point towards the end of the series the show still had four episodes left after every single loose thread was already tied up. At this point I assume J.J. Abrams took back the helm and did what he only knows best, which of course was add time travel. So spoiler alert people: Felicity travels through time. Just like Urkel did at some point in Family Matters, with the the obvious exception being that Urkel did all sorts of crazy crap and Felicity was based in the real world where people went to school and worked all day at Dean and Deluca to pay off student loans.

Now anyone who knows me can say that I'm a huge fan of anything related to time travel, and am certainly willing to fit it into any show, especially if it involves robots of some sort. But here I had a problem. As opposed to doing something important in the past, like make tons of money and actually go to classes instead of watching reruns of Yo Momma on MTV, Felicity instead chooses to do exactly what she did before and repeatedly break up and get back together with the same two people over and over again until she screws with the space-time continuum enough to start killing people on accident. This could have been cool, but instead is just confusing because, again, the show wasn't Family Matters and Felicity isn't able to drink a potion and become Cool Urkel Stefan.

"Yo Mamma's a cool Urkel -OOOOH! You just won cash moneee!"

Not that it ruined the show or anything. I still have fond memories of watching Felicity in a dorm that reeked of mildewed ramen noodles, and enjoyed seeing it a second time in my new room which pretty much smells the same sometimes. Now that it's over, it's time to move on and see what else Netflix has in store, which I really hope isn't Family Matters. I guess moving on is really what Felicity was all about.

Melancholia - Movie Review

Melancholia
*****

Split Melancholia in half and you have the beginning of a rather slow chick flick and the conclusion of the best science-fiction guy-movie you'll ever see. As one who would kind of like to see if Mr. Darcy is about to be consumed by a giant planet, such a premise fascinates me.

"M'Lady, I do believe we're screwed... Shall we retire to the rumpus room?"

Part one begins with the wedding of Justine to Michael (played by Kirsten Dunst and Alexander Skarsgård, respectively, otherwise there would be a man in the bridal gown which belongs in a different kind of art film altogether). It's unsure to say how much of their relationship was based upon mutual feelings or economical factors, even though everyone appears to be wealthy. Although they do seem to have their fun beforehand, things soon turn sour once they reach the mansion. Amidst Justine's quarreling parents who were previously divorced, Justine's anxious sister Claire (Charlotte Gainsbourg), and obscure business dealings, the marriage itself becomes background noise. The relationships are rather complex, and they're not made easy to define. It's a kind of confusion that works though. Justine wonders how she got there herself, and her subsequent choices define the darkness that she enters. Meanwhile, far above them, a distant star is giving it's last breath.

Part two takes place some time later in the future, when the wedding is a faint memory obscured by Justine's profound sadness. She mopes around the mansion as her sister Claire attempts to care for her, despite distinct distain from the both of them. They are brought together by an approaching blue planet named Melancholia, which is expected to graze Earth's path and then wander off. It's expected to because who would imagine that it wouldn't? Claire's husband (Keifer Sutherland) is sure it won't, which comes as a comfort to Claire, at least for a little while.

Depression is something that we see as a weakness, something to be cured. The film is in two parts to show us a perspective from the other end of the spectrum. Happiness can come with overbearing weights of expectation, while depression can offer that freedom that comes when there is nothing left to lose. In one part, one is strong, in the other, one is weak. It's strange how in the face of the ending of the world neither of them change all that much, but it's interesting in how they come to understand that. This is one of the most beautiful films I've seen, both in the way it is composed, and in the way it makes you feel. You're left with that feeling for a long time, and even if you don't necessarily like it I guarantee that you'll be thinking about it for a long time to come. See it.