Well. I'm Sold.

Cowboys AND Aliens? I'm not sure if I could ask for more.
...Maybe time travel and velociraptors? One can dream I suppose. One can dream...

Cinderella Man

Although I still have yet to hear back from any of the jobs I have applied to, I have managed to start off this week by auditioning for the local production of Cinderella. I was a bit disappointed to hear that this version of the tale has neither the cute mice of the Disney version nor the disturbing foot-binding of the Chinese version, yet I gladly got to read the part for Prince Charming a few times (The role I was born to play!). I'll let you know how it all turns out.

In the meantime, cherish these pretty pictures Beth took when we visited Yosemite. A magical place that I can only usually pronounce as Yoseemeaty, or Yusemetay.

Nothing says mountain man like a leopard backpack.

I really really like her.

I mean, really like like her.

Brotha's.



Beth has many more very pretty pictures that she's still editing together on my very slow laptop that shuts down if the cord so much as wiggles a tad too far from the wall (which kind of defeats the purpose of a laptop), so I'll let her reveal all the majestic splendor herself later. I have to say, the fresh air was something I never realized I really craved. After many years I'm starting to realize that I'm a nature guy after all. I like it.

Sickness and Such

Thanks a lot, Children. You managed to get me sick again. Aren't you happy with yourself? I hope you are. Jerks. Then again, I can't blame you. You're cute, cuddly, and easy to entertain if you like being held upside down from your ankles.

Luckily it was only an over-night fever that knocked me unconscious, but after being unemployed for several weeks and having my food stamps on hold for some reason, I thought I already had enough sick days to relax and managed to get out of bed long enough to drop off another web design application.

My sweet wife meanwhile has been feeling down and out lately after also getting sick from said children and suffering from chest pain and headaches. She made it out to visit the doctor last week who quickly ordered tests of all sorts, including blood samples, an EKG, an X-Ray, and, most dreadful of all, a stool sample. Considering that I pass-out from any sort of blood loss, I was thankfully not there to witness any of these. I did however have the task of delivering the stool samples to the doctors office.

Now, I'm not sure if you've ever taken a stool sample before. Lord knows I haven't. But I'm fairly certain you've never taken someone else's stool sample to turn in to the doctor for them. Since I was going out anyway to job hunt I figured I could knock out two birds with one stone and spare my wife the embarrassment of saying "Here is my poop" to some nurse.

As I carried the sample into the office I thought that on some not-too-distant level it was basically the same as leaving a paper bag of flaming dog poo on someone's front porch in the middle of the night. Except in this case it's the middle of the day, the person is right there to take it, it's your poo, and they actually thank you for it afterwards. In some ways it was kind of the greatest prank of all.

(This image was all I could find when Igoogle image searched "Flaming bag poop." It makes me think that Martha Stewart is one sick lady.)

I brought the samples to the nurse in a plastic grocery bag, since the idea of walking into a room with two test tubes of poop in each hand just didn't seem right to me. What I didn't expect was the nurse to be accompanied by another woman who was in the process of having her blood taken.

In fear of passing out, I quickly placed the test tubes onto the counter and ran away.

At least I knew that the drop-off was complete. Am I a good husband? Maybe. I probably lose some points for writing about it online. But I tried. And now if you'll excuse me, I have to delete this story from my Facebook newsfeed.

Frozen - Movie Review

Frozen
view trailer
***--

You can't help but give Frozen an "A" for effort. This is a good movie, and it's good precisely because it's something you haven't seen before onscreen, but have certainly thought about on those family ski trips from long ago. It takes an understated fear and then highlights it, and although on some level it may be like taking someone's fear of getting their shoelace stuck in an escalator and then stretching it out for a feature length film, on another level Frozen manages to throw together enough elements to keep us interested.

At first Joe isn't so excited to have Dan's girlfriend Parker tag along for a Sunday afternoon ski trip, but when she manages to bribe three lift tickets out of a somewhat sleazy resort employee, Joe starts to come around. It isn't until the three sneak on the lift for one last run that the weekend escape makes a turn for the worse. The somewhat sleazy employee leaves his post, the new guy mistakes three other skiers for the three he was told to wait for. He hits the off switch, kills the lights, and Dan, Joe, and Parker are left swinging on the lift far above nature. This wouldn't be so bad, if there wasn't a blizzard approaching and the resort wasn't only open on the weekends, but as it happens that's the case. They have an entire week to look forward to.

It's a great "what would you do?" situation. One thought is to drop. Another is to perform a quick high-wire act and make way to one of the support poles. Of course, all these might be a little bit more complicated if wolves were involved.

If only MacGyver were here. I had assumed that Parker's smoking habit might have proved useful since she has a lighter, or that some secondary uses could have come in handy for the team's ski gear, or maybe that the phone number they tried so hard to remember might come into play. Unfortunately there aren't a lot of improvised inventions to come in handy. Then again, it seems that most of their equipment is thrown off into the snowy abyss in vain attempts to gather attention.

Great films often require characters to come face-to-face with apparent dead-ends. In these situations you can either have those characters use a tool they picked up earlier on, have them crawl through the dead end with nothing but their fingers, have a magical happening to show them another way out, or just watch them squirm. Frozen has one dead-end, but uses just about all of these to keep us interested.

If only it wasn't so frustrating to watch these characters reminisce about childhood memories when what they should be doing is getting off the freaking ski lift they're trapped on. These people seriously need to get their priorities straight.

Frozen is often intense, sometimes quite gross, but very much different and entertaining. I must say that the variety of deaths (even with the few deaths involved) in the end lacked a sort of creativity. But maybe I was thinking this was another Final Destination. Still, it was worth watching, and even better, I'm sure I'll be thinking about it on my next ski trip.

How We Do Halloween

After purchasing a large quantity of womens clothing from Salvation Army, my Willy Wonka costume was complete.
Beth meanwhile struck Halloween gold with her costume as the chocolate river.

Together, I think it was magic.



Luckily, the jacket hid the shoulder pads.



If anyone wants to join us, we also managed to gather together an entire Oompa Loompa costume that has yet to be used.


As for our pumpkins, this year we celebrated the two most important things in our life: our cat Georgie Fruit and the 1982 feature film E.T. The Extraterrestrial.

The Georgie Fruit pumpkin I designed turned out to be a little "too hot for TV," so we kept it inside. But I must say I'm very pleased with the results:



The inspiration:



Meanwhile, the E.T. that Beth carved pretty much blew my mind:



Now on to the next hoiday!