How To Lose My Respect In The Fewest Words Possible

I consider myself fairly accepting of most people. Even if I don't agree with them or even like them, I will generally let them be. However, there are a few exceptions which I deemed necessary to place here, in my blog, which is a format notoriously known for pointless rants. Here are the top things someone can say to set me off.

How To Lose My Respect In The Fewest Words Possible



1. "Oh! Full House! I LOVE that show!"

A shorter version of this would be "I love Full House," or "Full House is the best," however neither of these are acceptable. Full House was a terrible, terrible show. In fact Full House and good do not belong in the same sentence. the show was actually originally named House of Comics and was about three comedians living together. Once ABC realized someone was trying to make an original show that was funny and entertaining, they proceeded to turn it into crap by blatantly stealing the storyline from Three men and A Baby, except adding more suck. I can't blame them though, who would think a show about a comedian living in an apartment with a host of colorful characters would be funny or successful? Oh. right. Well, critics noted how terribly unfunny Full House was, however since it had two twins on it people watched it anyway.
Full House does have some merit in its good family values, which obviously benefited the stars of the show who grew on to all be exceptional crack addicts.



2. "Citizen Kane is the best film ever made."

Comments like these are made everyday, and they are never really opinions. People state this as a fact, as if I should consider Citizen Kane to be the best film ever made. Why is this? Because people liked Full House and learned from an early age that they should never have their own opinion. I was a film major until every person I met told me Citizen Kane was the best movie ever. This made me realize how corrupt the film industry was, not with crime but with blatant a-holes. How did I try to confront this? I stated my own opinion. "I disagree," I said, "I think Dumb and Dumber is the best movie ever." To which they snapped back in a single breath "How can you say that?! Didn't you get the symbolism of Rosebud being the sled?!" Yeah, thanks for ruining the ending you d-bag. That's how bad Citizen Kane is, you don't even have to watch it to know how it ends. Man I hate film majors.



3. "I love My Humps!" "I watch BET." "Money in da Bank!"

Sorry man, or girl. While some rap is undoubtedly excellent, the majority is mindless idiotic dribble produced in a matter of minutes by vastly over payed, over hyped, hedonistic morons who are responsible in part for the downfall of our modern civilization. It's awful, truly and utterly terrible. Not to mention, it's all the exact same. Here's how to make an instant rap hit: choose any three random notes (maybe only two if your really lazy), repeat them, talk about booty/money/guns/drugs/alcohol, brag about how much you have of said possessions, make a music video, ride in biggest car you can find while waving and having sex with said possessions, get money, repeat. There. Everything I hate about current music.



4. "I don't care what you want to watch, the GAME is on."

This is the one I'll get the most heat about, and I will and have accepted that. I just don't get it. I don't get sports. Maybe hockey, I like how they fight. Other than that I see no purpose whatsoever in moving back and forth to achieve some arbitrary goal of which there is no beneficial purpose. Okay, so you have a bunch of friends over to watch it, can you imagine how many better things you and your friends could be doing? Just about anything in my book. "Oh wow, that guy is bouncing a ball, did you guys know Full House is on?" Yeah. That's right. I'd rather watch Full House than basketball. For me it's like choosing one level of hell over another. "Oh fire and brimstone? I think I'll just go for the pitchforks, thanks." The only problem is, I CAN'T BECAUSE YOUR TAKING UP THE TV, Eric. Geeze.



5. "You can't only have four things on your list, you have to round it out to five."

Yeah, thanks a lot for reminding me. I forgot about the five-by-five rule. Five things I love, ten things I want, when did we specify what numbers were aesthetically pleasing?! To be honest, i don't really mind this rule, I just felt as though I needed to wind things up. But still, it can be a little annoying, right? Right?