Here in Los Angeles we have a little pizza chain named "What A Lotta Pizza." It's a charming business, charming in the same way a young child might wear his dad's suit and everyone says "Hey! Look! He thinks he's just like a big person!" Fortunately, I highly doubt What A Lotta Pizza will mature past that state. I first suspected this after watching their infomercial which featured a poorly dressed Benjamin Franklin buying a stack of "Cheezy Garleezie Breadsticks" and "Peperononie Pizza's." My eyes frantically tried to register what exactly I was watching. "Waste not want not a penny saved is a penny earned these What a Lotta Pizza's reheat beautifully," Benjamin Franklin said, without a single pause. His words echoed as the commercial came to an awkward conclusion with he and his interviewer looking back and forth in the awkward pause.
"That was incredible," I remember Anthony saying, breaking the silence from his outstretched body on the other couch. "That is the single worst commercial I have ever seen in my entire life."
Although I once questioned Anthony's opinions concerning commercials once before, specifically one involving Australian shampoo bottles and it's anatomically incorrect Kangaroos, this time I completely agreed.
There was no doubt about it. In words only What A Lotta Pizza could understand, these commercials suckadeeonied.
We had to rewind to watch it again.
This, my friends, is a collection of not only what we saw, but every What a Lotta Pizza commercial in existence.
I in no way expect you to watch the whole thing. But I do require you to watch the clip at the 6:15 mark. You'll know it's the right one if you see a mentally handicapped individual dressed as Tarzan with a whip.
What does this all mean? It means that What a Lotta Pizza is now my favorite pizza place on the entire West Coast. That's what.
It also means that my goal in life is to one day be in a What a Lotta Pizza Commercial.
One can dream my friends. One can dream...