If you've been wondering where I've been for the past two weeks, I've been in D.C. spending quality time with the "fam" (that's short for family). I took Beth along with me and together we explored to wonders of our nations capital. We basked in the glow of the national Christmas tree, as well as cherished the sight of the giant glowing Menorah directly next to it.
Merry Kwanzaa Everyone.
It was a wondrous time.
Excluding the day we spent living inside of LAX after Continental abandoned us and as a result practically forced me to drink flat soda from a ghetto diner inside the airport.
Continental? More like In-competent-al! HAHAHAHAHAHALOLOMGROFL!1!1!1!! Seriously.
When Beth and I returned to my apartment from the flight home we both realized two things.
One: None of my roommates were home.
Two: I didn't have keys.
I quickly learned that all the front and back doors were locked, but after calling my roommate Jon I was informed that there was at least one door I could open. The only problem was that this particular door was located on my balcony.
Now, my apartment is on the top floor of my building. Although that's only three stories up, with the car ports on the first floor and the numerous flights of stairs leading up to my apartment, it at least seems like that's really high to me. Sure, if I fell I probably wouldn't die, but I assume I would most definitely break my legs and/or my spine.
Still, I had been in situations like this before:
That's a photo from the time I returned from Thanksgiving break a few years ago and had to climb onto the roof of our house and break in through the window leading into my roommate's bed.
This time Beth seemed to question my climbing abilities, however, I was quick to inform her that I had adequately prepared myself for situations such as this beforehand with my completion of Assassins Creed for the Xbox 360.
I bravely did a running wall-jump from the staircase to the balcony railing which in reality resembled more of a awkward fumbling of limbs awkwardly grasping for anything to hold onto. From that position I climbed upwards to the rail above me, and from there I shimmied out along the railing, trying not to look down or think about the structural stability of the rail itself.
The stunt became truly terrifying when I realized that the railing would be impossible to climb over. Rather, I had to hurdle my body over it's side. This action resulted in me landing flat on my back on the floor of the balcony.
Grasping my spine, I got back on my feet and reached for the sliding glass door.
It was locked.
The difficult realization for me was that of the fact that there was no way I could climb back down without risking further spinal damage.
I was trapped on my own balcony.
And it was dark and cold.
Inspiration struck when I remembered Jon's window.
This time it was up to Beth to dismantle the screen, open the window, climb over Jon's desk, and then open the balcony door from the inside.
She worked deftly, and as I peaked around the balcony railing to see her scramble through the plastic shades, I knew I would be saved.
We celebrated with pizza.