Day By Day - Cat Week
This week we celebrate the joys of owning a cat. Unless you live on campus. Then we celebrate the joys of knowing someone else who owns a cat of whom we can reap the benefits.
Day One - Feed The Cat Again
I know there's one thing your cat will love, and that's food. On this day give your cat everything it's little heart desires by opening a can of rotten-smelling ground fish bits and watch your furry rascal go crazy, or watch as he wanders away completely uninterested now that you've finally given in to his demands. If all out of traditional cat treats, try tossing him a pop-tart and see what happens. I hear they love cherry flavor. Don't we all?
Day Two - Try To Use The Computer Day
On this day attempt to finish your 900 page memoir while having your cat meander by your feet. Think of it as a wonderful writing experience until he begins clawing deep into your legs. Although you can still see the screen through the tears in your eyes, cherish the moment when your cat wonders in front of it to completely obscure your view. Attempt to pet him away until you realize he's stepping on your keyboard and has somehow managed to hit all the keys needed to initiate a computer self-destruct sequence.
Day Three - Give Your Cat A Scratching Post Day
In an effort to distract your pet as much as possible from yourself give him a scratching post to let out his aggressive affection. Set him in front of it long enough for him to wander away, again, completely uninterested. Have fun as you physically move his paws up and down on the post to show him how clawing on such an object is performed. Then collapse on the couch in defeat until he returns once again to shred your legs.
Day Four - Trash As A Toy Day
Although the bag might say that it "Is NOT a Toy," watch as your cat has more fun pouncing and rolling inside of it than he has ever had with any of the playful objects you have invested in for him. Once his taste is wetted for garbage, stand back in horror as he has fun exploring all of your trash by pouring it out on the kitchen floor.
Day Five - Cat Shower Day
After his adventures in the garbage, realize that the time has come for your whiskered friend to get a bath. All though his claws and ear-piercing meows might say no, the smell of moldy garlic cloves will say yes. Take a moment to appreciate the comical appearance a wet cat attains in such a state, preferably in the form of a girlish giggle.
Weekend - Outside World Day
Although trips to the park with your pet are normally reserved for bigger animals such as dogs and ponies, on this day celebrate your love for your kitty by giving him a harness and taking him on a trip to the outside world. Although this will likely result in dragging your cat for the entire duration of the trip across grass and pavement, eventually he'll find the fun to be had by wandering into a thorn bush and refusing to leave.