To Wii? Or Not to Wii?

Zachary Newcott
Chimes Opinion - 9/26/09

If I have learned anything from a lifetime of playing video-games, it’s that any problem can be solved either by pushing crates, using explosives, or forming a collection of otherwise useless objects such as a loaf of bread, a coin, and a pony, which when combined, somehow form a key to unlock a door. Unfortunately all of these lessons failed me when I realized I had to pay rent this month.

It doesn’t take much to get a man through the toughest moments in life. It might just take a high-end power tool, sporting gear, or bacon. I, on the other hand, require more than just that, especially considering that I fear any power tool might partially dismember me and any sporting good might hit me in the groin (likely resulting in a comical “boing” sound). Considering the rising prices on the bacon front, there is little hope to be found there. Videogames on the other hand got me through a lot.

After all, what knowledge of biology would I have if Mario hadn’t taught me of the wonderful world of mushrooms, or the exploding fire-ball power of flowers? What knowledge of physics would I have, had not the game Dead Or Alive expanded my horizons? How else would man have harnessed the super-sonic speed of Hedgehogs if it weren’t for the days of Sega Genesis? We have come so far my friends. I'm certain I speak for all of us when I say that during high school, at one point or another, we named all of the female Final Fantasy characters after girls we really liked. I know I did.

With all that said, times are tough. This past week I had to sell my very own Wii to pay for gas. It was one of the toughest decisions I ever had to make. Before coming to Biola my Wii was my only trusted companion, without it I don't know what to do with myself. Together my Wii and I explored the farthest reaches of space, as well as the comforts of a relaxed game of tennis. Long ago I made little mii avatars of my friends, or when lacking friends, girls I had crushes on, or when lacking that, Final Fantasy girls I had crushes on. It was a confusing time for me. But that was all in the past. Never again will I have the joy of accidentally throwing my wii-mote at the television and injuring my cat, or the chance to watch my fiance look like a drunkard as she attempts various minigames that require her to draw on the screen. Weep not for the memories.

Luckily I still have the joys of being engaged to fill in the void left by Nintendo. Joys such as registering for Snuggies at Target, going to Ikea, and renting "He's Just Not That Into You" from the Red Box. This is my life now.

Beth gets the Leopard Print and I get the Zebra.

A few nights ago I became lost while driving and somehow managed to take my fiance down to the beach instead of to the movies. Apparently the sense of direction I had gained from Grand Theft Auto wasn't nearly as precise as I expected. The night took a turn for the better however when we realized that I had actually driven us directly to a group of Frozen Banana stands directly next to eachother. It's moments such as these that I'm able to realize the unexpected fun to found in the game of life. Sure, there's lots to be had in a Wii, but life has something else entirely, something that I hope to explore, and maybe booting the Wii is a chance for me to level up.

And if not, there's always Xbox.

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