Zachary Newcott
With a cool five dollars in your pocket, feeding yourself for a week might seem like an impossible task. Not if you take it Day By Day style.
Day One - Ramen Noodles Day
Oh, I'm sorry Mrs. Money Bags, but some of us out here can't afford what you call Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup. Some of us get to enjoy a dish made for the everyman, and that dish is Ramen Noodles. For those unfortunate souls who rarely have the chance to somewhat-digest this treat, on this day help yourself to the best of all the noodles; chicken-flavor, or it's close follow-up; meat-flavor. Whatever you do, just steer clear of that tempting demon we know as shrimp-flavor. It's just not worth it. Add a dash of salt into that bowl to up the precious sodium. For your health.
Day Two - Macaroni and Cheese Day
Whether it requires a stovetop or a microwave, macaroni and cheese has become the universal last-second meal when there's nothing else in the house but pop-tarts. Nutritionists may still be flummoxed by what sort of daily vitamins and minerals are actually supported by the small packet of cheese sauce in every box, but that doesn't mean it won't quell your hunger until the late night burrito run. Fun tip: to get an additional taste sensation, use nothing but butter in the box recipe as well as negate the entire cooking process of stirring the cheese sauce into the mix. I'm salivating all over my keyboard and clutching my stomach right now just thinking about it.
Day Three - Cereal Day
On this day spend a half-hour or so picking out all the ants that have burrowed into your freshly bought box of Lucky Charms after you left the kitchen cupboard open over night. Take a moment to appreciate all of the technological advancements of the 20th century as you notice all of the new marshmallows the magical leprechaun has provided you with. Someday our society may learn to forgo all the non-marshmallow pieces in lieu of what we all really desire. Yes, it may only be "part" of a complete breakfast, but if life has taught me anything it's that sometimes the marshmallow rainbows make up for sum of its non-nutritional parts.
Day Four - Taco Day
On this day fully realize the potential those two-for-one dollar taco's have by purchasing some for your very own. Briefly question if American cheese has a right to be in any food before ignoring the thought and eating it anyway. You might regret it later. In fact, it's practically guaranteed you will. At the time though it will seem like the best investment you've ever made in your future. Live in the moment and take your tongue on a trip to the south of the border, and then back up again to the city of Pepto Bismol.
Day Five - Green Day
On this day realize that green foods aren't actually as expensive as you thought. Pick up a whole head of lettuce and decide whether it would be more manly to gnaw on it whole or drizzle some sort of white dressing on top of it. Enter a whole new world as you realize that you can get bananas even cheaper if you find the discounted pile of black ones in the corner. Then frantically struggle not to throw up your previous intake of tacos and macaroni at the checkout.
Weekend - Pepto Day
Eating like a college student comes at a price, but luckily doctors take the change. On this day get a hold of some Pepto-Bismol and guzzle it down to quell the fire in your heart. Swear off the Jack In the Box tacos once and for all and seek forgiveness. It's time to clean up your act and find that perfect balance, the one between salads and Ramen Noodles. It might not exist, but if you keep working at it there just might be a pot of gold at the end of your marshmallow rainbow.
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