Parent Appreciation Week
This week my parents are in town, and what better way is there to appreciate them than showing a little love Day by Day style?
Day One - Dinner with the Parents Night
Nothing says "I appreciate you" quite like being taken out to dinner by your parents. On this night, graciously save a dinner on your meal plan by having your parents take you out to a restaurant. Tell them how much you value their sacrifices as parents over appetizers, a side salad, soup, main course, and dessert. Love is a dish best served cold, with numerous sides. When they then ask for a good night to come over and see where you live, make sure to cough violently into a napkin.
Day Two - Frantically Clean up Your Life Day
You're a college student. That means everything is a mess. Be it society, the economy or just your room. Especially your room. On this day, try to make your life as presentable as possible. Discover exactly how much room there is underneath your bed after cramming every single loose object underneath it. Remove light bulbs to mask the disorder and chaos with comforting low lighting. Place tape over the cap of a Febreze bottle and then toss it like a home-made scent grenade into your bathroom. Remember, if it smells clean, it's clean enough.
the smell of success
Day Three - Make Dinner for Your Parents Night
Show your parents how you feast like a king by making them dinner. Although it may take several hours slaving over the stove, it'll be worth it when your parents get the first taste of your finely prepared "beef flavored" Cup Noodles. Time may have refined their tastes, but nothing can prepare them for the joy to be found in a bag of Bugles and two gallons of Arizona green tea. All common reasoning and good sense may say no, but their stomachs will be screaming for more.
Day Four - Introduce Your Roommates Day
You can't hide the people you live with from your parents forever. So on this day introduce your parents to the host of characters who populate your life. Begin by trying to explain your roommate's online poker-playing strategy and voracious appetite for Nutri-Grain cereal bars, and then give up halfway through. This also serves as a great opportunity to place blame on those you live with if your parents happen to question why the bathroom is reeking of an overpowering scent of Febreze.
Day Five - Defend Your Plans for the Future Day
For some reason beyond me, everyone wants to know what will happen with their investment. On this day, try to defend your plans for the future when your parents ask you what you're thinking about doing after graduation. Anything along the lines of "getting paid" is generally favorable. Anything along the lines of "hitchhiking to Alaska and starving off of poisonous mushrooms" is generally not. Avoid explaining your online-poker scheme and instead refer to your personal goals as "investments." Although you might be investing a lot into Call of Duty 4 lately, it's only a matter of time before it pays off big time.
Day Six - Sad Farewell Day
Although having your parents around may be a scary, tense or stressful experience, it's always sad to see them go. Give them a hug (or a fist bump to show respect) and tell them you love them. Don't feel like you have to go overboard, however, because they'll certainly be calling you within the next five minutes to remind you to wash your underwear instead of just spraying them with Febreeze, as you have been doing for the past week and a half.