Chimes Day by Day
by Zach Newcott
Video Games Week
For many, Video Games Week lasts the whole year. Meanwhile, this week the rest of the world gets to relish in the joys of digital violence. Cherish it, world. This one’s for you.
Monday - Grand Theft Auto Day
Take a break from your busy chapel schedule to steal a cab, use said cab to blow up a gas station, and then drive said burning cab into a Hospital waiting room where it too will explode. It’s the little things in life that matter most, and Grand Theft Auto lets you do all of them, which may or may not be a healthy experience. So far, Biola has yet to outlaw breaking the contract in a digital world, so I say go nuts. Enjoy yourself.
Tuesday - Call of Duty 4 Day
On this day defend our country the only way you know how, by breaking every rule set into place by the Geneva Conventions with Call of Duty 4. Spend countless hours throwing grenades and fighting threats of terrorism before throwing down your controller and asking yourself what all this fighting is for. Be sure to stare at yourself in a mirror, give yourself a pensive stare, before breaking said mirror as a symbolism for the mindless acts of violence in the world. Then go back to playing.
Wednesday - Halo Day
Remind yourself how much better you than an average 11 year old by playing an online multiplayer death match. If they scream, or giggle, into your headset as they pummel you, just remind yourself that with age comes wisdom. Rather than share this wisdom, just park your character into a corner and snipe bullets for a few minutes. Sometimes you just have to play dirty.
Thursday - Barbie Princess Hello Kitty Pony Day
of course it would be for the wii...
Men, get in touch with your feminine side by playing a video game that was clearly never meant to be played. Anything with “ponies” “barbie” or “hello kitty” will do. Just look for a box with pink designs on it. As you play, remember that your comfortable with yourself and your own identity. Although the experience may be disturbing, or painful, just remind yourself that you can go back to running over pedestrians in Grand Theft Auto at any time, but this one’s for the ladies.
Friday - Super Smash Brothers Day
Get together with the “Bros.” to play the “Nintendo Bros” in Super Smash. Try not to get bothered by the fact that Nintendo only has five or six actual characters to choose from and countless other useless ones. Just pick Kirby and do your thing. Bond with your friends until realizing that one of them has spent several hundred hours more than you playing. Then turn on him.
Weekend - Left Behind: The Video Game Day
On the weekend remind yourself that you’re back at Biola by playing one of the arguably worst games in the history of video gaming. That’s right, play Left Behind: The Video Game. The game based upon the novels based upon the Bible. If anything it will inspire you to go back to studying, which might just make it the best source of motivation possible.