Guess what? I've just been given a new section of the Biola Chimes. My gradual plans for college campus newspaper domination have finally commenced. Let the great experiment begin!
Day By Day - Preparing For Valentines Day Week
Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching, and if you’re anything like me that means you guys have all the time in the world to make romantic plans for that special night. Here are some helpful suggestions to get prepared this week!
Romantic Back Alley Dinner
If there is one thing I learned from the Disney animated film Lady and the Tramp, it’s that nothing is more romantic than eating the left-over pasta from a third-rate Italian restaurant in their back alley, and then sharing only one plate of said discarded pasta with the one you love until both of your lips meet while devouring the same strand of partially digested spaghetti. Some may question the hygiene of such a dining experience. But hey, it’s cheap. And if nudging a meatball over to her side of the plate with your nose doesn’t make her swoon, then nothing will. Trust me. I know.
Dress Up Like Michael Cera
Women may say they enjoy the strong and burly men, and they do, but they also enjoy awkward “precious” men, especially if they happen to act in movies like Juno and are named Michael Cera. All this requires is to be yourself, except wear tiny yellow running shorts, eat fruity tic-tacs and sell frozen bananas.
Dress Up Like Mr. Darcy
If you haven’t learned this by now, the best thing you could do on valentine’s day is to never be yourself. When it comes down to it, there’s really only one thing women ever want out of life, and that’s to fall in love with the fictional character of Mr. Darcy. For one night, be the man of your love’s dreams, by actually being the man she dreams about. Wear tight pants, a frilly shirt, or any shirt requiring buttons. Then act emotionally distant before revealing your inner tenderness, this may require having Pride and/or Prejudice. Avoid fart jokes and anything that would classify you as a realistic male human being. She’s gonna love it!
Buy Her Flowers
Try not to remind her that the flowers will die in a number of days, and certainly don’t remind her about how this reflects the brevity of her own life. Unless she’s really into Twilight, the ladies generally don’t like being told they’re going to die on romantic evenings. Girls also generally don’t respond well to intellectual arguments regarding the benefits of plastic floral arrangements. Such is the way with women.
There are a number of wonderful spots in the area for a romantic picnic. Try to pick one out that has a nickname involving the word “make-out” in front of it. Make-out Peak or Make-Out Park are popular with the couples. Be sure to automatically assume the area you choose to picnic is covered in fire-ants and ticks. This will constantly keep you on your toes, and her as well, if you know what I mean. Wink!
Nothing says “I love you,” quite like partially burning down part of your home. Chances are, you actually do have a stove somewhere in your house, probably near the fridge. Cooking dinner for your significant other may result in permanent scars, but it’ll all be worth it when you finally give up and just microwave her a Cup of Noodles. Place those noodles into a bowl and garnish with a wedge of lime or whatever women do when they make food. Olive oil usually tastes pretty good and sounds fancy, pour a few spoonfuls of that into there too. Now we’re cooking. And the recipe we’re using is love. Careful, that dish is served hot!