Live Together, Watch Lost Alone - New Chimes Article 2/5/09

There are two things I love in this world. One of those things is time travel. The other is “LOST.” Finally, the two have come together and had a baby, and I have named it “TOST.” After all this time, “LOST” has joined the ranks among “Terminator 1,” 2, and part of 3 as one of the only subjects on which I am qualified to lecture. It's safe to assume that if Biola ever opens a department for the studies of "Inter Dimensional Time-Traveling Robots" I am a shoo-in for the position of Master Teacher, or whatever professors call that position. Sadly, my roommates do not seem to share my enthusiasm.

Upon arriving at my apartment last Thursday night I found Micah eating his second box of granola bars for the day, Jon talking about how much fun it would be to buy a pipe for a motorcycle and then make noises out of it and Anthony tracing an image of another motorcyclist. They just didn't seem to care about the most important of the love triangles on “LOST,” the one that involves Hurley, a box of pizza and fried chicken.

The fact is, there are only so many hours in the day. Between episodes of “Hills,” “How It's Made” and Korean variety shows, not every man can get to watch what they would like to. This means I have been reduced to watching “LOST” online. Although that means fewer commercials, it also means I have to avoid any plot spoilers until I find time to view the episode later. That may require going into work with my fingers in my ears and screaming "NAHNAHNAH! I'm not listening!" repeatedly at my desk. After eight hours this becomes quite tiresome, and although it may be an improvement over my usual work ethic, it also means that I have to punch anyone in the face if they so much as approach me.

I understand that some people might not be into “LOST” the same way I am. For example, I could imagine that some people don't type a series of numbers into a separate word document on their work computer every 108 minutes, just so that they feel more like Desmond. I might not understand it, but I could certainly imagine it.

Naturally, I understand that none of this makes any sense if someone has never seen the show. The great news for that person however is that even if they have never even seen a commercial for “LOST” they probably know as much about what is going on in the show as I do. As a matter of fact, they probably understand more. At this point I have been confused enough to not even mentally comprehend the fact that everything on this show is completely and utterly ridiculous. It's a slippery slope, my friend. One second you accept that humans could actually survive a plane crash on a deserted island, the next second islands are moving and smoke monsters are fighting alongside polar bears. This begs the question; do I honestly think the show will have a rational explanation for anything? No. No I do not. To be honest, I don't expect any rational conclusion at this point. Once time-travel gets involved, it's pretty much open season concerning plot structure.

Without someone else with whom to share “LOST,” I fear this confusion will only consume me further. As my best friend Jack once put it, "We have to live together, or we're going to die alone." He's a spinal surgeon so I guess I'll take his word for it.

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