You might not know this, but I just spent the weekend in Visalia CA, or the "Gateway to the Sequoias" as some like to call it (no one calls it that). I must say, it's a wonderful place, complete with a roller rink, a sweet hot-dog stand, and a huge Winco grocery store/warehouse where you can buy candy by the barrel. I hear there's a lot more to Visalia than those three places, but I like to leave a little some-some to look forward to for my next visit.
In case you were wondering why I made the trip North, Visalia is actually Beth's hometown. That means I had an ample opportunity to meet her folks. If you know me, that also means I had ample opportunities to make a huge ass out of myself. But never fear, for you see I made preparations in the form of a list.


-Upon entrance DO NOT barge in the front door with both thumbs outstretched while yelling "EYYYYYY!"
-DO NOT refer to Beth's dad as Old Man, Tiger, Chief, or Niggah.
-DO NOT wear that tight, hot-pink shirt you own that says "Service Me" on the front, yet...
-DO NOT punch anyone in the face.
-DO NOT knee anyone in the crotch.
-DO NOT set anything on fire.
-DO NOT immediately go to the refrigerator and begin filling your pockets.
-DO NOT punt any animals.
-DO NOT flip over any tables in the midst of a heated discussion.
-DO NOT get into a heated discussion.
-DO NOT talk extensively about LOST theories, the history of Alternate Reality Gaming (ARG's), and/or Cloverfield.
-DO NOT get into a heated discussion about LOST theories, the history of Alternate Reality Gaming (ARG's), and/or Cloverfield.
-JUST DON'T talk about Cloverfield, too much.
-DO NOT get up in the middle of the night to re-arrange all the furniture and move everything in the kitchen to different cabinets.
-DO NOT ask too many questions about the home security system and suspiciously eye the valuables.

Luckily, I only did two, or maybe three of those things. So I think I made an alright impression. Although in retrospect I probably only exchanged roughly three words with anyone.
All-in-all, best weekend ever.

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