A Sudden Request for a Change in Definition

As you may already know, we are in the midst of a digital revolution. For this reason, we as a generation of internet users must confront this technology and properly adapt our previous lifestyles to better acquaint ourselves to this ever evolving online melting pot. As you also may already know, despite there being a digital revolution going on, we will never truly be free from common annoyances, such as other people. For this reason I present to you a change in definition of our previously used terms.

PDA - Public Display of Affection

Will now be this:

PPDA - Public Profile Display of Affection

Exhibit 1:



Yes, at least they apologized, which is far more than I can say for most couples who make out in the common area. But even with a disclaimer, something like this still causes me to throw up a little bit in my mouth. That "angel" line? Part of me thinks "Nice one." And then another part of me thinks "I hope I never have to meet you in person." These two people obviously know each other very well. That means this girl is into guys that are cheezy and say lines like that on a dime. This only serves to prove my age old hypothesis, girls only love guys like Mr. Darcy, and I still hate Mr. Darcy.

Exhibit 2:



Oh! Hey! Remember that time you were totally into the opposite sex, and then you read that post and turned gay? Yeah, that just happened. The world is a small place. So it's not surprising that someone out there has a number of something else somewhat related to you. PPDAers love to point out such coincidences. Ah, such is love.

Conclusion:

Posts like these proliferate in the Facebook stratosphere. So why is it PPDA? Well, for one, these posts are constantly publicized on the Facebook newsfeed, which constantly updates itself continuously, which means every morning I get to wake up and remind myself that I'm single and need to immediately make fun of these couples on my blog... which in turn only amuses myself.
Which brings us to my second conclusion. These are actual posts from people I know, which may be insulting to them because they are private messages. But the first lesson we all had to learn about the internet is that nothing is really private any more. Any display of affection is a public display, available for me to grab snapshots of and bastardize any way I see fit. So essentially, if you're that kind of couple that makes out in the hallway, I can now walk up directly to you guys and point my finger while laughing. Virtually, of course.
Of course, this does mean that any PPDA I may use (and definitely will, in excess) is free to be used against me. Irony, you shrewd sage!
And oh yeah,
Suck it Mr. Darcy.