Round One:
Food Quality
When it comes to the hierarchy of food quality in fast food chains, establishments such as the two in question automatically rank lower than the vast majority. Yet some places still manage to debunk this trend.
However, Mc Donalds and Burger King still fall short of the bar set by Wendy's and Arby's. Yes, sometimes there is a sudden craving for fries, or a specific dessert, but when push comes to shove you generally don't "want" to go to either one. You just end up eating there because you don't want to spend a lot of money or drive somewhere else. As a matter of fact, the only reason you eat at these places is because you want everything else. Unfortunately you can't have everything else because you're too stubborn to save money by only eating at these type of places. So here you are with only two options.
When it comes to hamburgers, Burger King somewhat manages to live up to it's name. Whereas with Mc Donalds you get a soggy patty that looks like it was just used as a makeshift Brillo pad in the mens room, at Burger King you get a barely satisfying piece of meat that appears to have actually been touched by an open flame. It's a tad juicy too, which in this case is a good thing.
Unfortunately, just about everything else is less than sub-par.
Mc Donalds wins this by openly ignoring everything about hamburgers and focusing mainly on the supporting food groups. Such as vegetables. Their salads are actually quite good, and for those who hate eating healthy, you can get a salad with fried chicken and bacon. Oh, but wait. Those salads are like six bucks. That's not cool. I could go to subway for that much.
Oh, the irony. Mc Donalds has better quality foods which are maddeningly more expensive. With this in mind they might as well not even exist. Sigh.
Winner:
Burger King
You're better off sticking with the dollar menu. Ah the dollar menu, when have you failed me?
Round Two:
Value for your Buck
This brings us to the most important factor. Monetary value. I want to know that my dollar is going to the best use.
Mc Donalds wins this hands down. For three bucks I can get an iced tea the size of my face, a double cheeze burger, and fries. That's a meal fit for a king.
Meanwhile, the only thing you can get at Burger King is LIES with a Coke, and even then you'll owe a buck twenty five. Most of the stuff on the dollar menu isn't even a dollar. It's like, a dollar and... something cents. I'M NOT PAYING THAT. One buck. That's all I got.
It looks like this "Burger King" needs a Robin Hood! HAhahahaha. Did you see what I did there?
Winner:
Mc Donalds
Round Three:
Tie Breaker: Healthiest
This is the most difficult test imaginable. After all, who really knows how healthy this crap is? I mean, I don't even think scientists have figured it out yet. And they're smart.
Most people would attempt to argue about the calorie intake fat consumption blah blah blah. I'm a simple man. I don't really care what this stuff is as long as after it's gone I'm not hungry anymore and I'm not dead.
So I'm going to take a different approach.
Tie Breaker: Which Food Chain Am I More Likely To Get Shot/Stabbed At?
This most definitely goes to Burger King, the only food chain I am legitimately afraid to visit.
Here's how to test it. go up to the nearest person and ask them how to get to a Mc Donalds. They'd probably say, "Oh yeah, just head up the street, take a left at the Subway and you'll see it on the corner."
Now go up to the same person and ask how to get to Burger King. They'd probably say something along the lines of, "Oh, man, um, really? You Sure? Okay, well go down the street. You'll see this crazy homeless guy who'll yell something about Vietnam. Yeah, you're going to have to crawl through his "home," which in reality is actually a pile of moldy boxes. On the other side you'll see a cop. Stab him in the side and whisper something in his ear. Then take a right down the dark alley and give the guy outside a stolen boombox."
That really is the only way to get to a Burger King. Trust me. Getting out is a LOT tougher. Expect the worst.
So yeah, Mc Donalds is the healthier choice considering you won't have a bullet inbedded in your shoulder. Doctors agree that bullets are medically proven to be detrimental to your health, so you should stick with Mc D's.
Winner Overall:
Mc Donalds
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