Maybe it's just me.
Sometimes, when the escalator is out of order, after I start walking I begin to think that it's actually moving backwards. I suddenly become really tired and nauseous. I also become paranoid that I went up the wrong one.
Every time I hear the clicker for a car's turning signal I think it goes clickCLICKclickCLICK, with each alternate click having a slightly higher pitch than the other. In reality there's no difference between the click's. It's just clickclickclickclick. If I try hard enough I can alternate how I perceive this, but eventually I get a massive headache. I never understood this phenomenon.
Sometimes I think I'm actually retarded and everyone else feels so bad for me that they continually lie to me and try to make me feel better. No one can convince me otherwise.
As a kid I rarely raced raindrops in the car, but I still pretty much always pick one or two drops and try to weave them in and out of power lines and trees by twisting my head. I do this with stains on the windshield as well. Little did I realize as a kid that I looked ridiculous while doing it.
Sometimes, when I randomly notice someone performing a minuscule action, I end up perceiving it in the same way an alien would analyze it. For example, such as taking a sip from a cup of coffee, I think, "This is how a human drinks." I don't know why, but this happens when I least expect it, but usually when I'm just bored.
I think I might make actual facial expressions or move my lips while imagining conversations in my head. This worries me.
I used to wake up to my phone alarm in the morning, until I realized that the sound it makes is more frequent than I expected. Every time I hear that sound my heart stops and my spine gets a sharp pain. I can only wake up to radio alarms now.
Sometimes I chew food to the beat of a song stuck in my head.
Sometimes I'm feeling lazy and kind of skimp out of my blog post for the day.
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35 comments:
your blog brings may lolz. i know what you mean about alien analyzation.
I get the exact same feeling about being retarded....and i'm not lying to you to make you feel better lol
Man I feel you! - do you also go between think'n your a genius as much or as as drastic as you think your retarded? Thats how i feel anyway - usually a few times a day - i'm think'n that people around me are complete morons or i feel that i'm the moron and don't see it...
i feel like im retarded every day. i googled "i think im retarded" to see what I'd find, which brought me here. i find myself analyzing how people treat me/react to me and their reactions would all make sense if i was retarded.
i always play out conversations in my head, too. when im alone, im pretty sure i say it aloud, so i worry that i say my thoughts out loud when im in public, too. which is one of the reasons i think people think im retarded--because i talk to myself.
and that alien analyzation thing happens to me too! ill watch how people interact and it'll seem to strange, like im not a part of it, and am watching it from another perspective. do u smoke weed? cuz it mostly happens to me when im high.
and like Chad said, sometimes i try to fool myself by thinking im some sort of absent minded genius, but mostly, i think im retarded.
does this sound like some sort of autism or anything like that to anyone? that would be my guess.
the thing is, it turns on and off. some days ill feel completely normal, and others ill just be in my head, going through all these things the entire day.
I KNOW EXACTLY WAT ALL OF U GUYS R TALKING ABOUT..AND ITS STARTING TO SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME. I WOULD GO N TO DETAIL ABOUT SOME OF MY EXPERIENCES BUT IM AFRAID U GUYS MIGHT THINK I WAS FUCKING CRAZY..THIS MIGHT SOUND STUPID AND WIERD BUT I THINK WE ARE ALL CONNECTED N SOME WAY.
I searched out the title of this post thinking all of these things....
This is my life.
My whole life.
No one ever told me anyone else experiences these things.
I get the turn signal clicky thing too, but I also feel like the windshield wiper begins to speed up to the same noises as the clicker if it's raining. It also speeds up and slows down if I'm watching the signal in front of me.
I definitely hear the tones changing in beat and pitch.
Sometimes (most times) I think I'm actually retarded.
Instead of racedrop racing, I do a person jumping up and down the powerlines as I'm driving. I used to do racedrop racing (keep in mind lots of people do subconciously).
I think to myself "Hello X how would you expect a real human being to greet another" and out loud I mumble some barely audible greeting.
I usually can control the speaking out loud thing, but I move my lips and make EVERY facial expression I think in my head.
When I fall asleep, if there is any noise pattern at all around me (especially a significant other breathing in their sleep) I become panicky and can't breath because they are throwing me off.
Same goes for walking in step with another person, instead of my own patern.
A quote I like to say "if you're successful they call you eccentric. If you're poor, they call you crazy."
I think this a lot, wondering whether I'm a sane person living amongst sheep, or a crazy sheep living with a bunch of sane wolves.
Part of the problem comes with being overly smart and analytical.
When I find the few other people who experience these things, I have the following thoughts:
What if being crazy feels the same to other crazy people?
What if being sane feels the same to other sane people in an insane society?
What if we are all twin souls? Indigo Children?
Are we in the Matrix?
Do I ACTUALLY believe any of the crap I just thought?
At this point I've either forgotten about what I was originally thinking and get hungry for a taco
or
I get so bogged down by the depression and anxiety of analyzing this entire thought process that I have to turn on a loud comedy cd to make me forget (unfortunately all I have left in terms of comedians who I haven't heard is the blue collar comedy troupe)
My personal problem is ADHD, OCD, BP, and OMG WTF else can G-d have possibly "blessed me with".
Unless those diagnoses are the ways that the government tracks down those who escape the mind control...
JUST KIDDING, what if I really sounded like that, can you imagine?
Hey Ar,
lol I googled the exact same thing.
but yeah man your blog explains my life.
:O
and sometimes...I think I'm retarded.
oh but also..
when i have my hand out the window i move it up and down so i jump over like mailbox's its hard to explain..
AR, Kasey... I also googled the same thing. But sometimes there is a thought that hits me, which is "We are all crazy. It is the level of craziness that differs".
I like being logical about things (logical in the light of most considered models), what brings me here are the things that I am not logical about but that I think they should be considered logical. And because of that I sometimes think they are the retarded ones and im the genius.
But then if most people think differently from me even the ones you think are clever then really something is wrong with me...
I googled "I think I am retarded" too. I'm glad/humored that other people have as well. I can also relate to everything you guys have posted.
The "I think I am retarded" thing only hits me every so often, but when it hits, it hits hard. It's similar to some kind of hallucinogenic drug.
Now that I think about it, it's awesome. Well, unless I'm actually retarded of course.
i know mostly what you think. it has been happening for the last few months and it wont go away. i think it may be my obsessive compulsive disorder but other times i think i am just retarted. i spend a lot of time looking at myself in the mirror to see if i look like i am retarted. i cant focus because i am always busy analyzing my life. when i am talking to someone i concentrate hard on what they say for any hints as to if they think i am. it is exhausting. i am 15 years old and am in high school so obviously it is unpleasant. i feel nothing like my old self and i feel like giving up on life. i feel like my life is ruined and my parents pay everyone to be nice to me. i also think back to girls i have dated and think that my parents paid them to date me. can someone give me feedback. can a mentally retarded person have complicated thoughts such as this? and even if im not retarded, there must be something wrong for me to think that i am. please help, anyone. your post has given me new hope in life
Damn Kid, I do all of these things too and ive just been realizing them in myself if you catch my drift. Ive always liked watching people even as a very small child and i noticed subtle things like this in other people before i did. I have a self destructive mind its like I set myself up to fail by over analizing myself, other people, conversations, hidden meanings in everything. I literally over analize everything in my life. Just imagine if you could channel all of the over analizing and lost energy into something worth mentioning, something good. I know I have a self destructive mind and I know my flaws, I just dont know how to fix them and make it a reality.
I also googled "I think I'm retarded". The fact that we all did this gave me a really good laugh. I do all of the things listed here except the dude who stares at himself in the mirror to see if he looks retarded hahaha... good times. I waste what I think could be hours but is probably only minutes adjusting the frequencies in my mind of clicks from a clock in my house. As for raindrops I did all that plus I would sometimes use it as a aimer for my make believe laser gun and would make very quiet laser shooting noises without realizing it. To the kid who thinks that his parents hire girlfriends for him, you might want to get your weed from a different dealer, those thoughts are borderline paranoid. Also to the guy who thinks we are connected: We are. We all sometimes think we are retarded. Don't try to find me.
i thought i'd be the only one who googled that phrase. To be honest, i think the fact that you can see all these things in yourself and that you have these moments of self awareness shows that you are not retarded. Personally, i'm just ridicoulously spacy, but i wonder if i can link it to my autism or the medicines im taking. I'm just afraid that if my autism is connected to my spaciness, the spaciness is something that can be connected to an incident that could very well screw me over in the real world. Just a few days ago, i went into a womans bathroom and didn't even realize it.
I can't do anything if there is music, I just instinctually go to the beat of it, like chewing, or walking (haha this is a big one bc I can be listening to some dance music and i'm walking ridiculously fast and I look weird). I get the same with someone's pace. I just lock into it and then I'm like "no!" because I don't want to walk alongside them. I also looked up o google "I think i'm retarded." It kind of feels nice that there are other people like me. Reminds me of things I used to do and probably still do without knowing it like the raindrop thing, hehe. I think strongly that I have autism, but I don't think there is enough evidence of that, but there is definitely something going on here because I seem to learn or realize things very slowly when everyone else seemingly knows and are miles ahead of me in the same age group. Like i'm always frustrated with pouring things because it drips and follows the side of the container and I get a mess. Then I realize "Oh hey, if I tip it at a 70 - 90 degree angle, it will flow more outward than in, rather than being timid with it" Just today. I'm 19 years old ><
That's why I felt retarded today.
I can't do anything if there is music, I just instinctually go to the beat of it, like chewing, or walking (haha this is a big one bc I can be listening to some dance music and i'm walking ridiculously fast and I look weird). I get the same with someone's pace. I just lock into it and then I'm like "no!" because I don't want to walk alongside them. I also looked up o google "I think i'm retarded." It kind of feels nice that there are other people like me. Reminds me of things I used to do and probably still do without knowing it like the raindrop thing, hehe. I think strongly that I have autism, but I don't think there is enough evidence of that, but there is definitely something going on here because I seem to learn or realize things very slowly when everyone else seemingly knows and are miles ahead of me in the same age group. Like i'm always frustrated with pouring things because it drips and follows the side of the container and I get a mess. Then I realize "Oh hey, if I tip it at a 70 - 90 degree angle, it will flow more outward than in, rather than being timid with it" Just today. I'm 19 years old ><
That's why I felt retarded today.
I seriously thought I was the only person on the planet that felt this way. I was visiting a buddy in college, and we smoked weed with some of his college friends. A guy came over and they started studying stoned and because I wasn't familiar with the subject I instantly thought I must be retarded I laughed it off but after awhile the thought would come back, and I began to obsess about it. I took other drugs but only a few times and now I can't even drink because my anxiety has gotten so bad. I over analyze everything. I've convinced myself they're are two types of people in the world "Lefts" and "Rights" because I thought I overheard my friend talking about a subliminal message called a "Chop" in a rap song. I've convinced myself that it has something to do with which side of the brain you use. I've taken IQ tests on the internet and I score slightly above the average, at the same time I've convinced myself that the websites just tell you that to avoid any issue, I mean who wants to hear they're actually retarded =) This Ocd autism or whatever has gotten so bad that I barely leave the house and when I do I have severe anxiety attacks. I've never told anyone not even my girlfriend, who like the person above, I've convinced myself my parents paid to date me. lol The argument I always have with myself is look around at how the world works. We're able to communicate with anyone, anywhere, using a device as thin as a book. Idk about any of you but I will never be anywhere close to understanding how that works nor have a job in a field as complex as that, but a ton of people do everyday. I understand that "Rome wasn't built in a day" but think about it Someone Or a group of people had to learn everything about what the man before him invented and the build upon that, and its happening everyday! Another reason I am convinced I am retarded is Because if there was a world of 6 billion "Mes'" We would still be in the stone age guaranteed. My theory is we are all lesser beings and we have been told certain things are impossible our whole lives and people we would consider genius are of the normal IQ. I just can't wrap my head around how far we've advanced in such a short time The lightbulb in 1880 and 130 years later we have Facebook. There's definitely some retarded thoughts going on here or maybe we're all onto something. Then again It's probably just the drugs =)
I seriously thought I was the only person on the planet that felt this way. I was visiting a buddy in college, and we smoked weed with some of his college friends. A guy came over and they started studying stoned and because I wasn't familiar with the subject I instantly thought I must be retarded I laughed it off but after awhile the thought would come back, and I began to obsess about it. I took other drugs but only a few times and now I can't even drink because my anxiety has gotten so bad. I over analyze everything. I've convinced myself they're are two types of people in the world "Lefts" and "Rights" because I thought I overheard my friend talking about a subliminal message called a "Chop" in a rap song. I've convinced myself that it has something to do with which side of the brain you use. I've taken IQ tests on the internet and I score slightly above the average, at the same time I've convinced myself that the websites just tell you that to avoid an issue of some sort. This Ocd autism or whatever has gotten so bad that I barely leave the house and when I do I have severe anxiety attacks. I've never told anyone not even my girlfriend, who like the person above, I've convinced myself my parents paid to date me. lol
ˆˆCONTINUED:The argument I always have with myself is look around at how the world works. We're able to communicate with anyone, anywhere, using a device as thin as a book. Idk about any of you but I will never be anywhere close to understanding how that works nor have a job in a field as complex as that. I understand that "Rome wasn't built in a day" but think about it Someone Or a group of people had to learn everything about what the man before him invented and the build upon that, and its happening everyday! The point is the reason I am convinced I am retarded is Because if there was a world of 6 billion "Mes'" We would still be in the stone age. My theory is we are all lesser beings and we have been told certain things are impossible our whole lives and people we would consider genius are of the normal IQ. I just can't wrap my head around how far we've advanced in such a short time The lightbulb in 1880 and 130 years later we have Facebook. There's definitely some retarded thought going on here or maybe we're all onto something. Then again It's probably just the drugs =)
(exuse the spelling mistakes, English is not my mothertongue) Every day i think I am retarded, and everyone else is just pretending that I'm not to make me feel better. Do retarded people know that they are retarded? I don't think people with downs syndrome know that they are different from others, so why not me? My thoughts seems sane enough, but I guess they would seem sane if I was retarded too... I'm scared to ask someone about it, because what if it is true? Every time someone asks me to do something, I keep thinking it's a test so measure my progress or something... I get ridiciously self concious, and I keep analyzing how people treat me/ look at me, trying to figure out what they think about me. I get nervous every time a child stares at me, I think that they realize I'm different. children doesn't try to hide their feelings, and is therefore more likely to give away what they think about me. When I'm out in public, I get scared when people look at me, and therefore I have started to shield away from public. This is awful, I keep thinking that my friends aren't really friends, but people who is paid to keep me out of trouble or something... I have tried to ask my friends if they feel the same, but I always feel like they are avoiding the topic. it could be my imagination, but I feel like everybody is keeping the secret from me, and I don't think I could bear it if I was retarded. I can never fully relax, and I would give anything for a satisfying answer, but I can't believe that i'm not retarded, so I keep thinking that everyone else is fooling me.
15
This is pretty funny if not somewhat comforting. Same here btw... some days I'll feel great and everything, then others, well, my mind seems to be wrapped up in really strange observations. To those of you who are paranoid - chill. To those of you who legitimately think you're retarded - you're probably not, I've felt the same way. To the dude who think we're connected... We just think differently and are more aware of everything... even our own strange thoughts haha. Look, reality is really really really strange, some people take notice to that, others don't. Don't let it be a personal problem, just take it for what it is.
This is so fucking relieving. I'm glad I'm not the only "retarded" person out there. :) Live your live to the fullest guys.. and cut down on the Mary Jane.
haha. guys ive actually seen a psych about this. they call it paranoid schizo. i hope this doesn't bother anyone, i'm just trying to help. i'm taking some medication right now and let me tell you the "feelings" i get in my brain turn into stress. the "observations" i have in my own brain turn into thoughts I can use. the "strangness" I feel turns into genuine feelings, although i still feel alienated and sometimes wierd, but hey i accept that.
common symptoms would include a) being very bright as a child
b) socially inept
c) consider yourself weird
d) dyslexic
e) have a hard time with cognative thinking, even though pre-adolesance you thought it was completely normal and sometimes "superior"
f) basically a brainy person
I believe we don't have retardation. I HONESTLY believe we are just very very stressed mentally and cannot find a "logical explanation" outside of our own heads. Doctors say though that I am a paranoid schizo, but I don't think paranoid schizo's have such insight as to know exactly what their problem is. I also believe talking about insights delve us deeper into this, but ignoring just makes me feel dumb.
to the people about chewing food to music, mannn all I do is listen to music and make up my own words to the song, or other creative stuff. see a psych guys, it'll help relieve you. I promise.
oh yeah, one more thing, (same person as above post)depression plays a big impact on how we think. cheek up guys, you're smarter then you think :)
I feel the exact same way... Sometimes i think people know im retarded and just feel sorry for me... It gets so bad sometimes that i just cry in my room... I even think my prom date felt sorry for me.... And when I go out in public it feels like everybody looks at me like there is something wrong with me....
yeah just recently i became aware to the possibility that i might be mentally ill/challenged/disabled well you get the picture. went to my parents about it in hopes greatly destroyed, with what i think are lies, when only to be told since i was a kid i've been a hypocondriac. why am i only hearing about this now then? i think i have always smelled weird, got worse when i drank bleach( i know shouldnt that have givin it away) had trouble with speech as a small child, alot of what you guys have said ties into my life as a small child i might classify as OCD(no doctor tho) like the hand going up an down of the window over mailboxes with me for instance;closing one eye then the other simintanously so spots on window dont touch the telephone poles, or purposly seeing double on objects for no good reason, always moving, sometimes i have to concentrate on breathing(wtf?), theirs more i know i do i just cant think of it. im easily distracted, been told by teachers i have add but my mom always said i was to good for it and now 19 going 0n 20 fucking 20 for god sakes am i only being perscribed adderall next week. doctors never fucking take me seriously only now that ive had a near death experience are they actually trying to help. BP runs in the family, havent gotten tests yet but i wouldnt be suprised if i have some form, uncles paranoid skitzo(drug caused) and i hear voices in my head mostly just thinking what other people think or have been but its weird like stands out almost. dude im fucked up like something just doesnt click in my head and like you guys it all just seems so clear to me now that i think about past events in childhood even up to now. and the guy who said he thinks "parents paid people to be your friend" i get that, highly unlikely thats true but shit sometimes seems to fake like why are you telling me this or acting like that but hey makes sense now! idk ive been told the umbellical cord was wrapped around my neck at birth and with some recent research might cause cerebral palsy i guess i was blue an had to be spanked on the ass to breath again. ive always felt like ive been my own worse enemy thru life. insomnia bouts(sober i might add) think about my friends an WHY their my friends. this list could go on an on. it just makes sense. its depressing but not ignorance is bliss bit has never been something i wanted to follow. ha i spent two hours writing this...
I also googled 'sometimes I think I'm retarded', got some comfort in reading other peoples stories/experiences that I could relate to. I think the thing is, people who have these type of experiences are introverted people, people who enjoy spending their time inside their head; whether it be making up conversations, or doing the raindrop race thing, or whatever people do. Introverted people usually find it hard to make their place in the extrovert dominated world (atleast I do, anyway) where the outside is uncontrollable and chaotic.
Being in certain uncomfortable situations sometimes leads me to being anxious/uncomfortable/self conscious which ends up me thinking I'm retarded. What I realized is that the thought that I'm retarded comes from that feeling of being self conscious/anxious etc and once I recognize that, the feeling doesn't go away, but I have atleast some control over my thoughts, instead of going down the self loathing/pitying downward spiral that I've been down so many times before.
My suggestion to people who are suffering from this type of thing and want to change, is to learn how to take charge of your thoughts, have self awareness that what you're thinking isn't true, it's the feelings contolling your thoughts. Get obsessed about getting better at controlling your thoughts; look things up on the net, get help, read books, anything to help you get better,
This is way cliche but you only live life once so live it to the fullest. Who'd want to live a life weighed down by thoughts that theyre retarded, when they're really not.
Anyway, that's just my 2cents. :)
all you guys need is something siriously in youre live that keeping youre mind busy, instead of thinking of crappy thinks . like patern seeking stuff( wich is a symtom of autism). than after a while it goes away(after a few years), ik know becouse i had this myself . you can create youre mind like you want it to .
all you guys need is something siriously in youre live that keeping youre mind busy, instead of thinking of crappy thinks . like patern seeking stuff( wich is a symtom of autism). than after a while it goes away(after 1 or 2 years, maby even longer), ik know becouse i had this myself . you can create youre mind like you want it to .
Like pretty much anyone else who has posted on this strange, retarded blog; I too do all of these things. I make up random conversations in my head,make facial expressions and mouth the words. Sometimes when im trying to sleep at night I think up funny stuff that could happen to me and I laugh out loud to it. There is also more some things mentioned previously in other comments. I never really considerd myself "retarded", just eccentric but now im not sure :/ maybe we are all retarded. I like the idea that other people understand and do the weird things that I do.Now I know that im not alone. It might just be human nature to do strange this and not know why, im going to try asking other people about it and I suggest that everyone else does too since we are all kind of in the same situation. There is alot more that I could say on this matter but frankly I cannot be asked. What I will say is this:
No one is normal. We are all weird, but some of us are just better at hiding it.
Haha, I also Googled "I think I'm retarded" and found this blog. I guess deep down, we all fear we're retarded or crazy. But then, Einstein and Tesla were nuts and look at how genius they were.
I practice entire conversations in my head like they're actually going to play out that way later, and make all the facial expressions.
I always feel stupid.
i wonder about this consistently sometimes i decide that i must be retarded because there is no other reason i can think of anymore for why he or she did something. and of course there's the whole "everyone is lying to me, i am the center of some huge experiment to see if the mentally challenged can restore some type of normalcy if given the opportunity" you know, the usual. and i always come to the conclusion that it's just because i'm too analytic of the way my relationships go, and usually this one thing i get so worked up about is absolutely nothing at all.but honestly if this many people have this exact same issue i feel like it deserves a label..but is it a phobia, a form of schizophrenia or slight autism i'm not sure.(and so begins slightly more justification to the way i reason which will more than likely drive me insane until the day i die)
I love this site. Yesterday i was so introverted in my own crazy that I almost broke down infront of my friends. And while mentally I assume they all see the tears forming in my eyes and are talking about it, I know that they aren't. I will interject that what helped me was God, but I'll not go too deep into that because i know some might not like it.
I do a lot of what you guys say. I almost laughed hard when the first post talked about the pitches of the clicking. I used to play songs in my head to simple things like clicking, and could change it so that every other click sounded different too.
Over Analyzation? I do that. To the point of where I'll take a miniscule thought or detail, and somehow create a whole plausible backstory for myself on how it has to do with me, and it's not good. Hell even sometimes i hear my friends talk shit about me, and they aren't even talking.
Yesterday before i went and hung out, i cried in my shower at how socially inept I've become. At how lost in my own world I get sometimes to where I don't even hear the outside. You all have helped in such a way, that it's almost sad we're all doing this on a computer, I would love to meet you all face to face.
I hope you all find yourselves. I love you all.
I feel like a lot of you do. When I was a kid, and I was in the car, I used to play a game where id close my eyes every time there was an electricity post or whatever. the thing is, it continued through the rest of my life.. until I started driving myself and had my mind focussed on something else. But now when I drive, I feel like I have to go as soon as the light turns green, or I cant let anyone pass me or "beat me". I know I have some level of ocd. But in other ways I feel retarded too. Ive once asked a girlfriend if I was retarded and if she was treating me as if I wasnt, and she laughed because she thought I was joking. I was serious and after that I thought it was true. I think the reason why it.comes and goes is because of your awareness of it. If youre eating you just think about your food, but if you start thinking about how you eat, what start doing with your hands and feet while you eat, all of a sudden, you start changing those things. Anyway, I suggest taking a test on your personality or eay of learning. I took a test on the site called 9types.com and it helped me see that I was under some of the types, meaning that we think were retarded, so we start analyzing everything, but thats the thing. You are just analytical, not retarded. Reason why I came to this blog or post is because I googled, "my girlfriend thinks im retarded" she seems to tell me that a lot. I know I just mentioned how were analytical, but when there is someone telling you, "yes, you are a retard" its hard not believing them.. I wouldn't make anything of her comment, but because of how ive felt about the topic of me being a retard throughout life? I feel likei am retarded.
I think like that but I also know I'm a genius. I also have a mental illness. I'm very creative ( sounds like you all are too so we tend to over think. ) and get caught up in our own world. I can turn any conversation around and make me right my family always says "we forget you're smarter than us all" lol. I've learned to accept it and laugh about it. It makes me different and now I like that. Meds do help but can take months or years to get the right ones and it only helps to calm not get rid. I also Google the same thing as you guys. I have to go rushing here. I managed to have three kids they are happily crazy and super creative also 20, 18, 7 oh I have to go. One more thing I see a psychologist and the team behind him they sum me up as insane borderline genius I took it with a smile....I'm really leaving this time. Night.
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