Long Lost Rainbows: "Meet Kevin Johnson"

If you haven't been watching Lost up until now, don't worry, I can summarize. You see, there's this island, and there are these number's, right? I don't know what the numbers are for, but there is also a bunch of buttons too and a polar bear. I don't know what the polar bear is for, maybe to push the buttons or something, but he gets shot a lot. And there's a black guy, a baby, and an Asian dude with a bunch of other people. They push buttons too and know numbers.
So I was pretty psyched about this episode because last weeks trailer said they were going to answer every question I had about Lost. I don't know why they would ever do that because then the show would have to end. So imagine how happy I was when this episode ended and I was just as confused, if not more so, than every week before that.
Really happy, that's how.

But there was something different about this particular episode. For you see, tonight had a twist beyond anything I could ever imagine.

Tonights show, "Meet Kevin Johnson" began simple enough, with a quick recap covering Ben's secret spy on the freighter off-shore of the island and another little talk with that creepy Asian guy. They covered a lot of ground, so my anticipation built up until the sudden meeting between Sayid and Michael.
Yes, my friend, I expected this to be huge.
But, alas, all that happened was a flashback where Michael tries to kill himself and a bunch of other stuff. Where was the polar bear?

Then. It happened. Just when I least expected it, the writers of Lost pulled out the biggest twist of all.

Remember that bearded guy?

Yeah, that one.

He's gay.

I know. My head exploded too.

My Head Exploding

Suddenly everything in the Lost universe makes sense! The strange whispers, the black smoke, why the bearded guy didn't watch Kate shower when he had the chance, EVERYTHING! The second he kissed that other dude on the cheek, I knew, "THIS IS WHAT THE NUMBERS MEAN."
It was all so simple, yet so very brilliant.
Yes, there is hardly any mystery left. But while we may have the names of the Oceanic Six, the names of the closeted gays on Lost are just beginning.
So without further ado, I present, the Oceanic Gay Countdown:

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