Things I Probably Shouldn't Write About...

but will anyway.



For example, yesterday morning I got a delicious sandwich from Starbucks that I saved until lunch. Problem was, by that time I wasn't really hungry at all so I only ate half of it. So I threw the second half into a flimsy container and went to my second strand of classes for the night.
So I'm sitting in my art class, drawing naked people, and all I'm thinking about is how great that sandwich is going to taste once I get home. Mmm, sweet sweet sandwich.
Eventually, classes end. I hop in the car, get to the house, open the van door and realize my predicament. I have several armfuls of art supplies, my bag, my giant self-portrait, and of course my sweet sweet sandwich. How am I supposed to carry all this?
Sure, now you're saying just make two trips.
Listen. i wanted to have my sandwich and eat it too. That's what MEN do.
So I shift the art supplies and books into one hand, and the rest into the other.
The problem then, I realized, was that I couldn't shut the door. Luckily, I remembered I had feet. So using my pinky, I opened the door handle and kicked the door shut.
In this process however, my precious sandwich popped out of it's flimsy container and slid onto the driveway, landing on it's side.
Naturally, I yelled out "crap!" and then awkwardly shimmied myself towards the ground to scoop it up again.

Once inside, I assessed the damage. There were bits of dirt on a corner of the bread and some additional bits on the turkey.
I considered it. And then experimented by tearing off all the obviously dirty pieces.
Then I questioned it again.
I am, afterall, a MAN. And in a situation such as this I know what the MANLY thing to do is.
But could I do it? Could I really eat a driveway tainted sandwich?
It looked oh so delicious.
Besides, Turkeys live on farms. Farms are dirty. Logically, eating a dirty sandwich is no problem.
Right?

So I took my chances and sinking my teeth into it's bready flesh, I captured a succulent bite.
Surprisingly, it wasn't at all bad. So I continued to feast. And it was good. Very good.

Until I felt a large piece of gravel in my mouth.

Then it was bad.
And I stopped my feast.