Things I Can't Do

There are a lot of things I can't do. Most of them are in Grand Theft Auto, the rest are simply inconvenient. For example, hang-gliding while wearing moonboots, a frilly scarf and throwing puppies into the sky with miniature parachutes attached to them. That one is hard to achieve, specifically trying to tie hundreds of parachute packs to individual puppies and then trying to train them to open the chute in time.
Goals like that are absurd or at the very least very messy.

But there are some things that I can't do, but should be able to.
Specifically this:

An In-N-Out burger.

It looks delicious, enticing, and possibly even erotic. I just want to eat it.
The problem is, every time I've gotten In-n-Out recently I end up taking one bite and then render myself physically unable to swallow.
I can eat the fries, I can drink the coke, but if I take a single bite of the actual sandwich my body refuses to take it down.
It's torture, and incredibly awkward considering I only discovered this with the cheesy, meaty, morsel already in my mouth and apparently no way to get rid of it except to slowly swallow it one bit at a time with a confused and slightly uncomfortable look on my face.
Is this too much information?
I don't know what you said so I'm going to continue.

Anyways, I went to In-N-Out yesterday while taking a pet fish for a walk. Moments later I found myself with a bite of animal-style cheeseburger in my mouth and no where to put it. This was a minor impairment to my social interactions, which already are completely impaired. So basically I just looked lost.
At least Colin Farrell, (the fish) seemed to enjoy himself.


Beth said...

yeah, i saw you chewing on that for quite a while. for a minute i thought you might be anorexic, but i guess you're just burger shy. or something.
thanks again for helping me pack. i couldn't have done it without you.
p.s. i just got an email saying that we left some stuff. damn.

Zack Newcott said...

Damn! I'm going to guess it was probably the Guava/strawberry ice cream. I realized on the way back that it's probably still in the freezer.
Oh well, I'm glad I could be there.