Thomas the Tank Engine has always kind of scared me. I've never told that to anyone before, but he does.
I think it's his damn eyebrows. Somehow his face delves into that uncanny valley where I begin to fear the human soul trapped inside the massive piece of machinery hindered only by the track it was meant to follow.
Still, I am a man who constantly seeks a good deal.
If you don't believe me, ask the woman who works at the Dollar Store across the street from my apartment.
Today she honestly mentioned she had already seen me four times within two days and that she was going to "cut me off" before I hurt myself.
I told her what I tell everyone else, "I'll TELL YOU WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH!" And then I threw an empty bottle at the wall.
I only say this because I noticed the website Slick Deals had posted a coupon for "FREE" Thomas the Tank Engine toys at Toys-R-Us.
Taking a close note at the words "FREE" and "TANK" in the same sentence, I quickly yelled to my roommate my plan for the day. If I got him, and his girlfriend Sarah to get free tanks, I'd practically have an army big enough to take over Canada.
The only downside was that Sarah wasn't into getting a free tank. In fact, in her words, it was "retarded," "stupid," and "seriously, it's both stupid and retarded." I tried to convince my roommate to beat some kind of sense into her, but somehow, after an hour of nagging, we managed to get her to drive us to Toys-R-Us.
Moments later, we discovered the disturbing fact that Toys-R-Us was sold out of tanks.
That's right.
They were completely out of the Musical Caboose I so desperately desired.
While this was mildly disappointing to me, it was immensely aggravating to Sarah, who we had kindly convinced to drive us to the store and bring the coupons.
What's the moral to this story, you might ask?
Sarah should have driven us sooner to the store so we could have gotten our free musical cabooses before everyone else did.
The. End.
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